I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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