My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
