Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
