i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
