found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
