How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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