Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
