I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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