I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
