I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
