spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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