also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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