He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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