My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
