you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
