Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
