btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Randomize
