using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
