We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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