it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
