now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
