i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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