Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
