how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
