Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
