He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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