Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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