I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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