Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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