Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
