Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
