i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
