oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
