I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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