Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
