dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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