I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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