Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
