Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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