Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
