i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
