i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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