i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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