operation harelip BJ is a go
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
