He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
