I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
