Your tits are I can't wait for
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
