I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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