am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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