if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
