I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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