I looked at my own cervix.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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