So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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