Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
do nipples grow back?
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