he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
