Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
