mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So much Jack, so little girl.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
