"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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