glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
