THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
