the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
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