you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
