Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
