hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
