...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
