SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
