That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
