literally had 100 drinks last night.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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