chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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