my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
