Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
