so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I enjoy the company of your penis
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
