i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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