apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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