she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
