i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
